Teal Torment & Pink Pride
by Raika Shien
Summary: Grimmjow's in a spot of bother and there's only one person he can turn to.


This is a quick fic I wrote back in January 2009, before the jokes were cliché, yeah that's right...before (cue sheepish eyes). I warn you now, it's a pretty awful read. I think I must have been off my head on something when I wrote this.

**Title: **Teal Torment & Pink Pride

**Pairings: **None

**Summary: **Grimmjow's in a spot of bother and there's only one person he can turn to.

**Warning: **You might need some brain bleach afterwards.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach or the characters in this story.

~oOo~

Eyes slowly opened only to take in a vision of dull white to which Grimmjow groaned. Turning in the bed onto his stomach, Grimmjow groaned in annoyance again as this time it was a vision of bright blue that invaded his eyes.

His hair dye had rubbed off again onto the thirteenth set of bed sheets used this month, which happened to be his favourite set what with the giant '6' emblazoned across the duvet cover and pillow sheet, looking remarkably like the Superman logo. Kicking himself out of bed, Grimmjow set off to the bathroom.

Standing in front of the mirror, fingering the loose strands that hung from his forehead, Grimmjow noted that staining dye didn't just ruin his bed sheets but his stunning beehive as well. It was taking more and more hair gel to keep his hair spiked up in his super-punked-up-bad-guy-do that he was quite fond of. Grimmjow wasn't sure what he would do if his hair became any thinner and fly-away. Fingers still twiddling loose locks, Grimmjow set about pondering on who else had their hair dyed and could help him get the sexy sheen back into his mane.

'Hallibel? That ganguro's gotta be dyin' her hair. Ah but she's always surrounded by that harem of her's, it'd be too embarrassin' havin' to ask in front of them.'

'Ichimaru? Nah, you can't trust anything' you get off him.'

'Aizen? Sure enough he's always playin' with his hair. Sittin' there on his throne when he thinks no one's lookin', messing his hair up only to scoop it back with just one hand. He says he uses special Shinigami Kidou to hold it in place but the damn bastard's most likely lying. I reckon he probably don't want anyone to look better than him what with his stupid God-complex, so I'm guessin' he'll hardly be willing to help me and he'll be the God of My Arse before I let him'

'Ulquiorra? No chance, as if I'd let him get one up on me. Although…even with his emo-dyed mop, he never gets any marks on that zipped up jacket he wears, even I have to make do with a black collar just so no one will see the dye-marks…no, no, no. No way am I gonna ask him.'

Grimmjow continued like that in front of the mirror in his bathroom for some time before finally settling on the perfect person to go to. If it was _that_person, Grimmjow might actually come to a solution.

~oOo~

At last the meeting was adjourned and Grimmjow waited by the exit for the Octava Espada to saunter out last as was his habit to do. As Szayel Aporro passed Grimmjow by the door, Grimmjow extended his hand to grip him by his elbow.

"You need me for something, Grimm~jow?" Szayel's lilting voice asked. His body faced away from Grimmjow, with his head turned, looking at him over his shoulder.

"Yeah…I need…I need..well" Grimmjow hesitated. He wasn't in the habit of asking subordinates for help.

"Come, come now. I'm a busy man. Anything you need from me, you know I'm ve~ry willing to give to you" the leering smile on Szayel's face made Grimmjow take a couple of steps back. Grimmjow would liked to have given up at this point but his thoughts kept going back to his final set of bed sheets. Grimmjow didn't think he would be able to bear parting with his 'Hello Grimmjow-Kitty' bedspread. Grimmjow took a deep breath.

"Well you're the only scientist around here and I figured you would be the person that could make some up for me and the ones you get from the living world don't seem to be working well what with it going everywhere but I could hardly go without it and ruin the look could I? Also I'm kinda sure it's givin' Di Roy a rash, he keeps going on about it and he's becoming a right pain to deal with but there's not much I can do about it so I need your help with it cos you're into this kinda stuff. So…"

"Uh..hang on a minute. What was it you needed help with?" Szayel asked after gaining no coherent information from what Grimmjow was saying.

"Hair dye."

"Huh?"

"Hair dye. I need you to make me some hair dye. One that doesn't rub off or damage my hair." Szayel stared at Grimmjow blankly.

"OOOOH...Well why didn't you say so? Ha ha." A wide grin spread across Szayel's face. "Well of course I can help you," he said flicking his hair back. "After all, I am the best scientist in Hueco Mundo. I'm glad you noticed my attention to beauty as well, although being at the foremost of fashion, who else could you ask? You can count on me as the smartest and prettiest Espada here to come up with the perfect hair dye."

"Yeah, that and the fact that you must dye you hair too. I'm sure whatever you use wouldn't be too bad. "

"…"

"…Excuse me?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you just say, Grimmjow?"

"Huh? I said the hair dye you make for yourself must be pretty goo…"

"I DO NOT USE HAIR DYE!"

"Wha…ha ha..You're jokin' right…Haha?" Szayel glared at him as he spoke. "There's no way that bubblegum head of yours is natural."

"Yes it is!"

"You're lying. I mean hair doesn't even come in that colour and I bet you're actually blond like Ilforte. It would explain that bimbo character of yours!"

"DON'T PUT ME ON THE SAME LEVEL AS HIM! I am one-hundred percent natural through-and-through"

"Well, how else would you explain it then?" Grimmjow eyed Szayel.

"Genetic Mutation, that's just how it is." Szayel stated confidently. Grimmjow took his time to take in what Szayel said. Scepticism still gracing Grimmjow's face.

"Alright then, prove it"

"Prove what?"

"Prove that you're naturally pink, if you can't do it then I get a supply of hair dye for free and without limit."

"Alright then but if I can prove it I want something too. Aah! I know! You have to walk around in your release form, let me pet you and be my cat for a month." Szayel's smile took on a brain-defying width.

"What! No way!"

"Aw, come on Grimmi-chan! I've been dying to run my fingers through you're fur. I'll make it feel go~od. I know you're not one to back down from a deal, are you now?" Grimmjow grumbled and then conceded.

"Ah-alright then," said Grimmjow. "Still it's gonna be a pain having to wait until your roots begin to show. It'll take at least a couple of da…" Grimmjow would have continued if it were not for the fact that he was being pushed back by Szayel into the meeting room and onto a chair.

"I can prove it to you now if you just close your eyes for me."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Come on, come on…just shut your eyes already."

"Ah, fine then. Though I doubt you can do it. Be ready to pay up, Szayel, oh and I'd like some conditioner with that hair dye too, alright?" Grimmjow shut his eyes and waited.

"Okay, you can open them now."

When he opened his eyes it took some time for him to focus. There, in front of Grimmjow's face, was something too close for him to realise what it was. It seemed like something oddly familiar though he had never seen one this closely before. It was long and had something round behind it, it also seemed to be hanging from a pink nest of sort. Grimmjow turned his head upwards to where his eyes could adjust to what was in front of him. Looking up he saw Szayel, holding the hem of his skirt to his chest, a look of mischievous glee spread across his face. Grimmjow looked down again.

'Ah. The carpet matches the curtains….AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!"

"How mean! You asked me to prove it."

"SZAYEL! PUT IT AWAY, PUT IT AWAY!"

"Not till you admit that I'm naturally pink haired and I don't use hair dye."

"YOU'RE PINK! YOU'RE PINK, OKAY!"

"Say it properly!" Szayel ordered, edging his lower body closer to Grimmjow's face whilst adding a little wiggle to his hips.

"AAAAARGH! YOU'RE NATURALLY PINK HAIRED AND YOU DON'T USE HAIR DYE!" Grimmjow yelled out, pulling his head and body back so that he almost fell backwards on his chair. Szayel let his skirt fall promptly back to the ground and stepped away.

"Let that be a lesson to you not to insult a delicate butterfly like me," Szayel began to saunter away towards the exit again, "oh and I'll have your collar waiting for you. See you tomorrow then, neko-chan." with that Szayel left leaving a traumatised Grimmjow.

'Perhaps asking Ulquiorra wouldn't have been so bad.'

~oOo~

Extra: Leaving the meeting room, Szayel smiled to himself. With his best kept secret still in place, Szayel Aporro Granz congratulated himself that he took the time to dye even his pubes.

~oOo~

**A/N: **I told you it was bad.


End file.
